The Hopper’s Hop Guide – The Beer Book They Don’t Want You to Read

THE HOPPER'S HOP GUIDE

The Beer Book They Don’t Want You to Read

A beer book written for grown-ass kids, hop-curious punters, and anyone who's ever said "what the fuck is a Fuggle?"

What the hell is this book?

The Hopper’s Hop Guide is a no-bullshit, fact-meets-fun guide to hops. If you've ever felt lost reading the back of a craft beer can — this book's for you. If you think “dry hopping” sounds like something you'd get arrested for — this book's for you. If you like your beer knowledge served with sarcasm, similes, and a side of bollocks — this book is definitely for you.

Inside you'll find:

Over 250 real hops decoded in plain English (no wanky jargon).
Ridiculously detailed fictional hop characters you won’t forget.
Rants, stories, swear words, and no West Coast IPA propaganda.
All topped off with illustrations, bitterness skull ratings, and beer style guides.

QUESTIONS?

Is this a joke?

For once, I'm deadly serious. I've been working on this behind the scenes for a little while, and it's a real thing. It will be available as a download, an online database for nerds, paperback and hopefully hard back as well. I'm working on an A4 version as well as a A5 version, but so far there are over 200 pages.

Is it just going to be full of jokes?
No, not at all. Although there are always going to be some jokes, insults, opinions etc. I am covering all of the real, genuine, actually existing hops that I know of, from around the world. Every one of them will have its own page in the book, telling you where it's from, the flavours it brings, what sort of beers you'll find it in, the alpha acids and bitterness rating. No need for IBU's here, I've designed the Bastard Bitterness skull ratings, becuase I don't like bitterness. There's an example of a page below for you to see - you get the idea!

Is there any actual writing in the book, or just silly pictures?
Believe it or not, this Hopper is actually well educated and skilled in the art of writing. Not only bullshit, insults and fucked up humour, but real words that make sense and can be learnt from. I know, almost unbelievable! The first section of the book is all about hops, why we use them, how we grow them, how they're cultivated, the various ways they are stored, the different ways they are used by various brewers, not even a single mention of Brewdog apart from when they're mentioned. So in short, not - it's not just full of silly pictures, but you will learn and laugh at the same time. Or just use it to prop a wobbly wardrobe up, or keep the fire going in the winter.

Got another quesiton?

Send me a message if you have another question, if it makes my nipples twitch I might add it to this page!#

Are you looking for sponsors?
Well... Not looking, but happy to talk turkey if you're interested, and know Bernard Matthews.

The Hopper's Hop Guide - Front Cover

The Hopper's Hop Guide - Back Cover

Some demonstration pages, featuring some real hops and a fictional one. Can you guess which is which?

Watch the Book Trailer

Want a sneak peek of the madness?Watch the video and meet some of the hop legends.

Remember, you can feature in the book if you support me by buying me a coffee.

Watch learn more...

WATCH NOW

Buy Me a Pint... er, Coffee

If you’ve ever laughed at a review, learnt something, or just fancy fuelling my beer-fuelled brain…support the chaos here.

Guess what - buy me a coffee and you will be in the book as well, seriously. I've already created pages for current supporters!

When’s it out?

I'm aiming to launch the book in Summer 2025. I've already compiled over 400 hops, including some fictional Hopperised ones, and written several factual pages about hops, their history and uses.

Follow me on YouTube and socials for updates and giveaways.